My goal was one DIY a month and I read koala’s needing mittens for care after brush fires in Australia. I followed this pattern and they currently don't need any more but I still wanted to help! The mittens help them heal and protect the burn creams when rubbed on their burnt paws. One of the supplies needed was 100% cotton fabric. The only 100% cotton I have is one of Max’s onesie and it’s the first thing that came to mind. Did I want to go all the way to Joann’s to limp around to find it or do I use what I have? Do I really want to use what I have? Something told me to do it and so happy I followed that conviction.
I know it’s a onesie and it doesn’t seem like a big deal , but it’s not just a cotton onesie- This onesie represents so much and I keep telling myself it is nothing but a piece of fabric. But if I’m being honest with myself and my grief, it’s not just a piece of fabric, it’s a lifetime of planning, dirty diapers, baby detergent, night feedings, first steps, a first birthday, junior high graduation, a first girlfriend- my mind goes on and on to what could have been. And I could let this one go and just put it back in his closet and pretend to hold on to something that will never be. Or I could do something in his honor.
I kept giving myself pep talks as I cut it.
“It’s a dumb onesie and he was too fat for it anyways”
And I even bartered with myself “Do koala’s really need these?”
Seriously. The things a crazy grieving mother will say is hilarious and sad.
It would take me longer to set up my sewing machine than it would to do it by hand. When I was done I looked at the stitches it represented all of my grief. Cheesy but this is what it was. That tiny mitten told my story. Some stitches were so messy I didn’t want to look at them, some of them were so perfectly aligned and unexpectedly got crooked. Regardless of what the lines looked like, they held together something that was important that had nothing to do with me. And giving my grief to that means so much more.