I consider myself a strong person, but Max’s death was tough. People who loved me didn't love me enough to handle the pain. Bloggers and acquaintances who didn't like me put aside their pride and ego to love. People reached out, friends ran away, strangers became friends, but ultimately humanity showed itself, the beauty and the ugly of it. Max broke people's hearts but he also showed me love. What happened is something I would call remarkable, almost supernatural. Only love can do that. Only love can rush the adrenaline of strangers. Scott and I remember opening up a gift box, our home overflowed with condolence cards, flowers, and packages, and multiple gift cards to places we would never think we would miss, like shopping at Trader Joe’s or Mother’s Market. They were gifts we will not long soon forget and ones we will always be thankful for. We came home from the hospital thinking we would quietly mourn our baby's life. We had no idea how many people would be impacted by this. We sincerely thank you for celebrating his life along with us.
So much of yourself is revealed when things don't go your way. I still shake my head in confusion of the whole thing- healthy baby, healthy pregnancy, healthy parents. I miss you, Baby Max.
For now, this will be my last post on Max. I will come back and write about him when I feel it’s right, it could be a couple months or maybe a year. I know a lot of grieving moms found my blog and connected with me, and I’m so grateful for those paths crossing. Please email me and I promise to email back. I’ve opened up on my blog because it’s a place I felt the safest to share. It may not be as personal as my journal or my therapy sessions, but it was helpful in my recovery. Thanks for reading.