Nice To Meet You, Again
Every couple years, I want to re-vamp my blog. It's never how I wanted it to, be but I could never figure out why. I love blogging but deep deep down it felt forced, and there was something not right about stopping either.
I would watch my friends who have made careers out of blogging, and I compared myself to their motivation, their hustle and creativity. Was I lazy? Did I not want this enough? What was I doing wrong? I constantly turned down sponsorships, and never tried much else to grow my audience. The problem wasn't blogging, the problem was me not wanting to blog. For awhile, it felt like it wasn't my voice. It took a long time, but I feel like I've finally found it. The past few months I slowed down in sponsored content unless it's something I truly believed in and loved, but I was constantly pressured from blogging agencies to keep working with companies.
After crunching some numbers, I realized I would make more in a retail job than working twice as hard blogging. I've been doing this for 10 years, and it feels like I haven't gotten as far as I'd wanted. Did I still want to keep going? I completely support blogging as a career. I watch bloggers juggle life, careers, and family but when I tried, something would fall with nothing to catch it. I had a really hard time with Miko, and blogging regularly. I wanted to spend time with her, not work. I wanted to enjoy the quiet days. I rebelled against being a stay at home for years, I surrendered to what I really wanted- to be a SAHM. *shrug emoji*
I began posting more Miko photos on Instagram and I lost followers. For years, my feed was cute stuff and sad captions. My brand was being sad. I'm still sad and self deprecating, but I'm also happy and optimistic. All of a sudden, I was posting people and not things. I was writing positive captions and not heartbreaking ones. WHO IS SHE?
The blogging agency I was with emailed me with tips on how to gain more followers or else they would drop me from their company. Post more content, donuts maybe?, schedule this, do that, more of this, none of that. I would normally panic at losing followers and the threat of not being branded but I felt a sense of relief, which that itself struck another type of panic, because what is this new feeling of not caring what people think??
For years, I wanted to be liked, only to realize I didn't like who I was when I was that person.
I'm enjoying this feeling- I post what I want, with no one to answer to, to blog and write what I really want. Sure, I miss the extra income and I wish the IRS would recognize me, but in the meantime, I feel like I'm back to old self again.
Nice to meet you, again!
Posts that inspired me to move forward-
This post from ABM, a fresh outlook on Instagram.
This post from Tatiana, it's unsettling and just what I needed to hear.