How to Buy an Engagement Ring – A Epic Blog in Three Parts Told from the Point of View of a Male to No One in Particular
Part 1 of 3 – In Which Our Hero Learns Some Girls Don’t Prefer Diamonds
Readers Note: Although this blog post is directed at no one in particular, it is best read by replacing “you” with a boyfriend’s name; some might go as far as printing out this post and handing it to their boyfriends with “FYI” scribbled in angry handwriting.
Girls like diamonds, right? Normal girls, perhaps, but mine is quite unique, and that’s why I love her. What follows is a story about love, romance, tragedy and near death experiences--in short, this is the story of how I bought Diana's wedding ring. How appropriate for Valentines Day, right?
It’s hard to shop for a ring. It would take a vain woman to reject a wedding proposal because the ring is not what she hoped for, but buy the wrong ring and she will make sure you remember it for the rest of your life.
But how do you find out what she wants without saying you're thinking about buying one? It really starts from about the second date--you have to throw out non-obvious questions right up until the big purchase, and take notes along the way.
The first time I asked one such vague question was while watching “Gentlemen Prefer Blondes” which features the song "Diamonds are a Girls Best Friend" and said to Diana, "Ain't that the truth? What girl doesn't want diamonds?"
"Me." Diana firmly said, "I hope I NEVER get a diamond ring."
(Note to reader: I believe Diana’s judgment in ring choice at this point was in fact hindered by her thorough research in conflicted "blood" diamonds. When she gets into something, it's like she's writing her thesis. Don't ask how she chose our food processor. )
A guy’s response to these non-obvious questions is vital to everything that follows; it is essential that they act like they have heard nothing. Absolutely nothing. In fact they should be prepared to follow up with something that completely changes the subject--like, "Hey did I tell you my best friend has crabs? Not the eating kind--the STD kind. Isn't that a riot?"
Once you have started to formulate an idea for what she does want, then the next step is to start pointing out other brides wearing rings. And don't think to yourself, "But I'm not even remotely close to being ready to pop the question"--like I said, this takes times--years even. It is the single most important part of your entire courtship. If it turns out the two of you aren't meant to be, then consider it practice.
I'd start with celebrities; wait for some trashy magazine to announce some celebrities engagement, and when it comes, take her to the supermarket, get in the line that has that magazine front and center, and say, "Hey, look who got engaged. What a pretty ring?" It's important that last part is phased as a question.
“It's kind of big and gaudy,” was Diana’s most common reply, “If some guy ever gave me that, I’d say no. Obviously, he doesn't know me.”
Again, your response is key. You have to make it clear to her that you have heard absolutely nothing. And you have to follow up with something that changes the subject quickly—like, “Hey, what is the best way to treat an ingrown hair on your chest?”
(Part Two is coming later...thanks for reading).