10 cm.

Marriage, pregnancy, buying a new house, getting engaged, a relationship, I always hear, "I am just not ready".

Let's talk babies, for instance. It's necessary to be financially, emotionally and physically secure to birth it, and take care of it. At least that's what we believe. The idea of taking care of a baby sounds cute, but the more of an actuality building a family is, it's frightening. Imagine- having to help guide and sustain a completely new personality in the most stable way to your knowledge. What was once thought as parents mistakes will feel so humanized, and finally see how helpless they were to a new life. I suddenly cling to everything I'm thankful they taught and want to relive it, to teach it again. At one point, I refused to take prenatal pills for a long time because even the word "natal" is jarring. I remember that point in my life when the idea of children wasn't even an idea. This post is about the sudden awareness that babies are everywhere and I'm sort of wanting one lately. I just don't think I'm ready.

Being ready makes brings security, knowing what the future will be like, where you will be, and who you will become. Marriage is even risky. We all know the stats, and getting married "so soon" (from what I've been told) was a gamble.  I was so nervous at the idea of being in a relationship forever. It was worth the venture when I imagined my older days without Scott, even in those months we were getting to know each other.

I can barely guide my own way of living, and I may not feel ready, but the unexpected moments are the moments that make you suddenly apt to change diapers or carry a newborn. Of course nobody is financially, or emotionally ready to get married, or to have a baby, but why wait so long? The reality of it is, how long will it take to get ready? It doesn't matter how long you wait, because ready will never be. I may feel secure in some areas, but others, I'm kicking and screaming with fear.

Dear readers, I'm not pregnant, but as I get older, looking at baby stuff, my ovaries start kicking a bit. On an emotional whim, I even subscribed to Pregnancy magazine. I won't learn everything I need to know in a publication, but more by experience, but I'd like to think I'm going to be a little ready.

I don't believe in a biological clock. I believe it's the gusto to be able to finally show someone love the way our parents did, or to do it better. We may not feel ready, but real, true unconditional love is 10 centimeters.

Dianafamily, scott42 Comments